I’ve taken 30 minutes out of my honeymoon to do the one thing I kind of enjoy every February; struggling to predict the Academy Awards to perfection. Only once I get a 24 out of 24 will I be free of the curse that the Bog Witch of the Greater Chicago Suburbs has put on me. Then, and only then will I be able to stop making these awful predictions. And also she’ll turn my frog feet back into human feet. So here we go!
Aside from a few great events this year (namely some weddings of people I care about, a couple neat trips, and some special occasions with my fiance), 2015 didn’t really feel like that great of a year for me. It was stressful, and gave me a ton of headaches. In an effort to put it behind me, and to wish myself a more peaceful, zen-like 2016, I will present my annual year-end list in the form of the ancient art of haiku. And I don’t know what version of ‘ku you grew up on, but the guy in the alleyway behind the Best Buy who taught me how to cut watermelons in half with a samurai sword raised me on the 5-7-5 syllable version.
I’ve been so busy and working overtime (work out! dwelledeedeedoodooo bwaaabwaa bwuuum bwaaa bwwaa [little B.T.O. humor for you there]) that I haven’t been able to write any reviews for the several things I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks. Well, I finally found some free time, so I thought I’d just clump them all into one stupid turd of a compilation post. As you can tell by the fact I typed out that B.T.O guitar riff joke, looked at it, and then still didn’t delete it; this already isn’t going very well.
There were times in my life when I would plan days in advance to order a pizza. Not just any pizza, but Giordano’s stuffed spinach deep dish. On Sunday I would plan out my meals for the week, and I’d make a note to order that $30, extra large pizza all for myself on Thursday, and I’d wait all week knowing that on Thursday, I’d be biting into that delicious wad of melted cheese. And when Thursday finally rolled around, and I picked up that pizza from the restaurant, and almost ritualistically cut it and sat down with two slices on my plate; that first bite was almost dizzying. It was a high expectation living up to a reality. Nothing about it let me down. That’s where Mad Max: Fury Road comes in. I haven’t been so hyped up for a movie in a while, and when it ended up being everything I hoped for, it became worth the agonizing wait.
Ya know, I’m sorry I wasted your time with that pizza metaphor. I probably should have just started with the sentence “I haven’t been so hyped up for a movie…”. I always have to attempt to make dumb comparisons to food. That’s a crappily accurate expectation you should probably have for my reviews by now. So at least I didn’t let you down in that regard.