Movie Reviews: Deepwater Horizon, The Boss, Swiss Army Man, and Clown

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Hey, if you like movies, here’s quite a spread of new mini reviews for you.  They all have the common theme of…  ummmm…  Corporate greed?  No…  Dirty make-up?  Almost…  Ummm… Things blowing up?  No, not that one…  Comedy?  Hmmm, maybe.  Except that first one isn’t very funny.  At all.  Well, they are all movies released in 2016, right?  Unless you count their film festival or overseas premieres…  WHATEVER.  Just read these stupid reviews, already…!  Yeesh.

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Lazy Movie Review: Ghostbusters ’16

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Premise:  Also known as Lady Ghostbusters, #NotMyGhostbusters, and The Movie That Shattered a Million Fragile Childhoods; this was a remake of a movie a lot of people like from a long time ago.  Kind of like Total Recall (2012), King Kong (2005), Conan the Barbarian (2011), National Lampoon’s Vacation (2015), Arthur (2011), and so on.  What was the difference between this Ghostbusters remake and all of these other ones that’s causing such a backlash?  I don’t know?  Probably because there’s chicks in it, BRAH.  Bill Murray wasn’t a girl, didn’t you know that?  Why do things have to be different all the time?  Why do we live in a time when we are able to drink Ecto Cooler, but I still have to listen to women tell jokes?  This is such a cruel planet.  Did you know there’s a lady Slimer in this?  Doesn’t that make you want to write a 4,000 word think piece on the disintegration of Hollywood originality?  No?  Well, I guess you’re a stronger person than I am.

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Finally Catching Up: San Andreas; Slow West; Spy; Insidious 3; Kung Fury; and Mad Max (again)

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I’ve been so busy and working overtime (work out!  dwelledeedeedoodooo bwaaabwaa bwuuum bwaaa bwwaa [little B.T.O. humor for you there]) that I haven’t been able to write any reviews for the several things I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks.  Well, I finally found some free time, so I thought I’d just clump them all into one stupid turd of a compilation post.  As you can tell by the fact I typed out that B.T.O guitar riff joke, looked at it, and then still didn’t delete it; this already isn’t going very well.

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Movie Review: Tammy

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After seeing the countless commercials and trailers for Tammy over the last few months, the biggest driving force for me to go see it was the simple question in my head: “What is the actual plot of this movie?”  The marketing certainly doesn’t give any indication of a grandiose plot element that drives the movie forward.  Is there a plot?  Or is this merely a showcase for Melissa McCarthy to do her (now) standard “oafish dumb lady” routine without constraint?  When does she get mixed up with a nearly identical lady in the witness protection program and then unknowingly chased by the mob?  Or when does she get confused as a rich socialite and has to pretend to be classy for a weekend?  Surely this isn’t just a movie about Melissa McCarthy and Susan Sarandon driving places?

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Lazy Movie Review: Identity Thief

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Premise:  High end accountant Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman), who is such a financial expert that he gives his social security and credit card numbers to a stranger on the phone in the first scene of the movie, becomes a victim of identity theft.  Since it tends to look bad when an expert on finance has a terrible credit rating, he must go find the woman and get her to confess in order to save his money/job/good name.  Then it turns into a crappy road trip movie.

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