Free-Form Movie Review: Jane Got A Gun

jane got a gun

For the second time, I’m going to put my fancy liberal arts degree to good use, and do another freeform movie review, where I just let the thoughts and critiques randomly come out in whatever form they please.  This works best for middle-of-the-road kind of average movies where I struggle to even come up with anything to talk about in traditional review formats, and Natalie Portman’s new western movie Jane Got A Gun is just that.  So let’s get started.

Continue reading

Ranking All The Characters in Avengers: Age of Ultron

ultron 00

Since this was such a huge movie that surpassed all reason and logic for normal movie reviewing, and since there’s so many characters involved, I thought that I’d avoid comparing whether I liked the explosion 12 minutes in more than the explosion 47 minutes in, and just rank all the characters from best to worst.  Plus, the more I think about it, the one 47 minutes in was way better.

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review:: Thor: The Dark World

thor two

Premise:  If you strip away the context that Thor 2 is a major Marvel comic book movie, and you try to describe the premise, it actually comes out as a hilariously strange concept from the get-go…  It’s a movie about a Norse god who lives in a rainbow space castle across the universe who can fly by using a magic hammer, who must overcome a species of elves who fly high-powered space ships, because they’re trying to destroy all the light in the universe.  If this wasn’t based on the classic source material, could you imagine someone trying to pitch that film to an executive?

Continue reading

Lazy Movie Review: Hesher

I watch a lot of movies, but I’m usually too lazy to write reviews of all of them on the blog I assume no one reads (most blogs should assume this).  So I thought if I just write shitty, quick reviews of things I watch, then that would be better than nothing…?  I’ll still write up full reviews of most new, theatrical releases I see every weekend; but this format should work fine for the Blu-ray and cable movies I watch throughout the week.  Soak it up.

Premise:  A father and a son are grieving after losing the mother of their small family. While letting out grief, the son inadvertently disturbs the peace of Hesher, a tattooed asshole who listens to heavy metal and doesn’t give a shit about pretty much anything.  So he moves into their garage without asking, and their lives become Hesher filled.

Pros:

-The cast is all pretty fantastic.  JGL is best when he’s in full asshole mode, and Rainn Wilson is good at playing depressed.  I hate child actors, and I didn’t really like this kid either, but he’s better than most.

-Natalie Portman’s depressing character gives hope that there is a hot cashier somewhere I can pull out of the gutter and marry one day.

-This is a movie that’s not shy about adult characters beating up children.

-The tone stays relatively consistent throughout, it had great potential to shift all over the place.

-SYMBOLIC CAR ENGINE HEART TEAR OUT SHOT.

-Featured a kooky old lady character that I didn’t hate.  I normally would.

-The ending wasn’t bad.  It wasn’t great either.  It was alright.  I liked the testicle story.

Cons:

-Maybe runs 10-15 minutes too long.

-Hesher (the character), while intriguing, scene stealing, and sometimes funny; is a complete asshole who I would hate in real life and would hope would die.  Very unlikable shithead, despite any redeeming values he shows in spurts.

-The car flashback scene…  Was that supposed to be stupid and corny?  It was the only scene that I felt was completely out of place and killed the film’s momentum.

-It’s not that subtle of a film.

-Seems oddly similar to Wilfred.

-I didn’t feel that much emotion in the parts that I was supposed to.  Kind of like Super 8.

Final Thoughts:  This plays out almost like a mind fuck movie, where you’re wondering if Hesher ever really existed to begin with, maybe he’s just a figment of this family’s imagination…?  Probably not though.  It’s fun watching Joseph Gorden Levitt destroy shit for an hour and 45 minutes, but you could tell the movie wanted to be deeper than that.  At the same time, I could see the writers not wanting you to read too deeply.  I actually almost like the movie better as a simple story of an asshole moving in with depressed people he doesn’t know.  I guess when I think about it, I was completely entertained during the entire movie, even if it doesn’t really go anywhere.  It’s slightly above average, and at the very least interesting.

7.5 out of 10