Premise: Also known as Lady Ghostbusters, #NotMyGhostbusters, and The Movie That Shattered a Million Fragile Childhoods; this was a remake of a movie a lot of people like from a long time ago. Kind of like Total Recall (2012), King Kong (2005), Conan the Barbarian (2011), National Lampoon’s Vacation (2015), Arthur (2011), and so on. What was the difference between this Ghostbusters remake and all of these other ones that’s causing such a backlash? I don’t know? Probably because there’s chicks in it, BRAH. Bill Murray wasn’t a girl, didn’t you know that? Why do things have to be different all the time? Why do we live in a time when we are able to drink Ecto Cooler, but I still have to listen to women tell jokes? This is such a cruel planet. Did you know there’s a lady Slimer in this? Doesn’t that make you want to write a 4,000 word think piece on the disintegration of Hollywood originality? No? Well, I guess you’re a stronger person than I am.
Well, hello there! Seems like it’s been a while! How are you? Have you lost weight? Is that a new hat?
I like to give back to our readers here, so I thought I’d give you the gift of 20 mini reviews of all of the movies from 2015 that I’ve seen over the last few months, but haven’t reviewed yet. I got majorly backlogged with movies to write reviews for, and if I don’t do it now all at once, I know I’ll never do it.
So if your Uncle Tony starts to get a little *too* opinionated on Muslim refugees while you’re waiting for Christmas dinner; pull out this list, zone out, and ignore the (now) screaming match that he and your dad have surely gotten into while your grandma begs them to “Stop it, boys! It’s Christmaaaaaaas!“.
Premise: I saw this movie two weeks ago and haven’t had much time to write anything about it until now, but that has kind of confined my memory to basically remember it being a rehash of the first Terminator‘s plot, but then with more robots and stuff later on. Also, cell phone app updates are bad and could lead to a nuclear wasteland where the survivors are being imprisoned by tyrannical robot overlords. Remember that the next time you’re asked to update Angry Birds Seasons.
I’ve sort of taken a hiatus from writing for a few weeks because I’ve been feeling extremely under the weather lately, and haven’t had motivation to write much of anything, but I’m feeling a little better today, and I’ve seen a few new movies, so maybe it will feel good to do a few quick write ups! Here goes!
To answer your first immediate question: yes, I do own a glow in the dark velociraptor t-shirt. And yes, it will probably sway my judgement in regards to this movie.
Premise: The Ninja Turtles are back! And so are weird expectations and nostalgic disappointment; two of the worst villains the Turtles have ever had to fight. They don’t even wear costumes.
Premise: Ten kids are playing a game of capture the flag, but they have very vivid imaginations, and the film portrays that by having their toy guns and water balloons actually be assault rifles and grenades. It’s (mostly) a comedy; a spoof of war movies. I suppose, deep down, it’s some sort of statement film about how childish war actually is and whatnot… But it’s a lot more fun just to look at it on the surface level of 13 year olds throwing grenades.
I’ve always been a big fan of Doctor Dreadful food kits. I didn’t even think they were still around. Then lo and behold, I was in a Michael’s with my girlfriend today and a colorful box caught the corner of my eye. The crazy doctor that taught me sugar + water = flavor when I was a kid is still going at it. When I was a kid and I was all like “Dad, buy me that Doctor Dreadful Stomach Churner kit! BUY IT FORRRR ME I NEEEEEEEED IT. DAAAAAAAAAAAD” and then he wouldn’t buy it for me because he already bought me the Bug Lab earlier that year; and it would make me sad. BUT now I’m an adult and I have my own money, so SUCK IT DAD, I CAN BUY THIS STUPID ZOMBIE LAB IF I WANT TO. I CAN BUY FOUR OF THEM IF I FEEL LIKE IT. I’M A GROWN UP.
So anyway it crossed my mind to purchase one of these fun time food makers and see if they can stand the test of time while making them as an adult. I’m also going to get drunk while I work in my laboratory, which is basically like a guarantee that I will puke violently by the end of the night. But don’t worry, as you can see by this picture of my childhood bedroom wall, I already earned two diplomas in Dreadful Science, so I’m authorized to experiment how I please.
Ah the perfect album. One of those albums where you know every lyric, you love every song, and after you hear one song from it you have to listen to the rest. They are rare, but when you find one, your life just seems just a little less crappy. You get a little bounce in your step when you listen to it. They can conjure up vivid memories when you listen to them. I haven’t found many, but here is a list of my perfect albums. They range from embarrassing to legendary. I’ll start with an embarrassing one.