Ranking All the Characters in Suicide Squad

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As I try to do with every comic book movie I can, I have now given the official, unarguable ranking of all the characters in Suicide Squad.  If you’d like an overall opinion of ‘Cide Squad from me, I thought it was about as fun as it was stupid; which is the best backhanded compliment I can possibly muster up for it.

I can understand why most movie critics didn’t like it, because it would be the equivalent a food critic complimenting a beef quesalupa.  But c’mon, you’re telling me you’ve never eaten $14 worth of Taco Bell and felt really satisfied with yourself?  No?  Well, Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant’s Florence Foster Jenkins comes out this weekend.  I hope you enjoy it, Professor!  [chugs entire bottle of Cotton Candy Faygo in critic’s face]

On to the rankings!

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Phoning In Some Vacation Reviews: Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Focus

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I haven’t been around these parts lately because I’ve been soaking in some sun in Florida on vacation for the last week or so.  And of course, by soaking in some sun, I mean getting sunburnt badly while playing golf and then wearing laughable amounts of clothing layers at the swimming pool later.  When you don’t go outside as much as I normally don’t go outside, it’s pretty easy to forget that sunscreen even exists.

Anyway, I saw two movies while continuing to forget about my real life problems back home, Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Focus.  Both of which were movies that I mostly forgot about hours later while beating my parents at Bocce ball.  But I guess I could review them, or whatever.  The movies, not the Bocce ball.  My review of Bocce ball is that lazy old people sports are fantastic.

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Super Lazy Movie Reviews: ParaNorman & Men in Black III

Ya know, I saw ParaNorman like 3 or 4 weeks ago and I didn’t feel like writing a review for it, because it impacted me in almost no way.  And now I just tried writing a regular Lazy Movie Review about it, and I struggled to remember anything about it.  All that comes to my head are two funny moments; the little fat kid threatening to throw spicy hummus in John Goodman’s face, and a hilarious sequence involving zombies and a vending machine.  I remember when I left the theater I thought it was a 7.5 out of 10, but since I’m straining my brain to even remember it slightly, I should probably knock it down a little.   It’s entertaining, but not quite entertaining enough.  Great animation and attention to detail, though.

7 out of 10

 

Whoa, remember Men in Black III?  I just searched the blog to see if I ever wrote a review for it, and I never did!  Well here’s my quick review from what I remember:

Will Smith – looks really old now.

Jermaine Clement – pretty entertaining villain.

Andy Warhol scene – one of the worst movie scenes of any film this year.

Logic flaws – yup.

Heart – surprisingly there.

Overall – not quite sure this needed to be made, but it was kind of fun.

6.5 out of 10