Here Are Haikus For All 91 Movies I Watched In 2015

fury road 7

Aside from a few great events this year (namely some weddings of people I care about, a couple neat trips, and some special occasions with my fiance), 2015 didn’t really feel like that great of a year for me.  It was stressful, and gave me a ton of headaches.  In an effort to put it behind me, and to wish myself a more peaceful, zen-like 2016, I will present my annual year-end list in the form of the ancient art of haiku.  And I don’t know what version of ‘ku you grew up on, but the guy in the alleyway behind the Best Buy who taught me how to cut watermelons in half with a samurai sword raised me on the 5-7-5 syllable version.

Continue reading

My Dino Bone Christmas Gift: 20 Mini-Reviews Of All The Junk I’ve Seen Lately

christmas 2015 00 header

I like to give back to our readers here, so I thought I’d give you the gift of 20 mini reviews of all of the movies from 2015 that I’ve seen over the last few months, but haven’t reviewed yet.  I got majorly backlogged with movies to write reviews for, and if I don’t do it now all at once, I know I’ll never do it.

So if your Uncle Tony starts to get a little *too* opinionated on Muslim refugees while you’re waiting for Christmas dinner; pull out this list, zone out, and ignore the (now) screaming match that he and your dad have surely gotten into while your grandma begs them to “Stop it, boys!  It’s Christmaaaaaaas!“.

Continue reading

My Spoiler-Free Review of Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens

force awakens 01

I’ve now seen Force Awakens twice.  I went once last night on a regular screen, and then I went again this morning in IMAX 3D.  Made me feel bad for the people who were showing up to the box office this morning at 9 AM trying to get tickets for any showtime today, and they were all sold out.  Then again, you should have bought multiple tickets weeks in advance like the rest of us psychos.

But I know, like those poor souls, not everyone has gotten around to seeing Force Awakens yet, either do to not getting a ticket in time; having commitments to their jobs (ha!) or families (HA!), or because you really don’t want to sit next to a bunch of mouth breathers in a sold out show, so you’re waiting until next week.  Whatever the case, I will respect that, and provide a spoiler free review here for now…

Continue reading

Looking Back at Last Week’s Thanksgiving Release Movies

Thanksgiving 15 header

I watched four movies over the long holiday weekend, because I have nothing better to do with my free time; but I don’t have *enough* free time to write four full reviews of these movies…  So I’ll just write-up a few hot takes in one big post while I struggle to digest all the turkey and bacon sandwiches I’ve eaten over the last few days.  Do TUMS help your digestion, or just bottle it up worse?  Welcome to my plight.

Continue reading