Here Are Some Movie Reviews: Sully, Angry Birds, and The Boy

sully

Near the end of every week, I get excited and open my Fandango app and see what’s going to be playing that weekend at my local AMC.  Especially around the end of the year, when theaters are more open to playing smaller indie movies that might be getting awards hype.

So, what do I see last week when I check what’s playing…?  A Blair Witch sequel?  A Bridget Jones sequel?  Is this 2004?  Why is this happening?

An Oliver Stone directed Edward Snowden movie?  But I already watched the documentary last year that had the *actual* Edward Snowden in it…  And Oliver Stone made Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.  PASS.  HARD PASS.

The Disappointments Room?  When the Bough Breaks?  The Wild Life?  What the hell are these movies?  Upon looking them up, these three films have a *COMBINED* Rotten Tomatoes score of 20%.  Why are these movies in theaters?

Fine, I’ll just quickly review Sully, which I saw two weekends ago and never reviewed, and then two other movies I watched Saturday night on Playstation Network while having some drinks.  Cripes.

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In Search of Immaturity: Sausage Party, War Dogs, and Everybody Wants Some

war dogs 1

In the past two weeks I’ve been gifted three films that catered really hard to the man-child crowd; the t-shirt-and-cargo-shorts demographic that I most definitely get grouped into.  The profanity is rampant, the themes are non-productive, and yet, they are almost made with such competence that they could (and should) be considered legitimate art.  Like drinking Bud Light out of a $500 wedding flute, or listening to opera while lighting fireworks in a trash can.

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Lazy Movie Review: Ghostbusters ’16

ghostbusters

Premise:  Also known as Lady Ghostbusters, #NotMyGhostbusters, and The Movie That Shattered a Million Fragile Childhoods; this was a remake of a movie a lot of people like from a long time ago.  Kind of like Total Recall (2012), King Kong (2005), Conan the Barbarian (2011), National Lampoon’s Vacation (2015), Arthur (2011), and so on.  What was the difference between this Ghostbusters remake and all of these other ones that’s causing such a backlash?  I don’t know?  Probably because there’s chicks in it, BRAH.  Bill Murray wasn’t a girl, didn’t you know that?  Why do things have to be different all the time?  Why do we live in a time when we are able to drink Ecto Cooler, but I still have to listen to women tell jokes?  This is such a cruel planet.  Did you know there’s a lady Slimer in this?  Doesn’t that make you want to write a 4,000 word think piece on the disintegration of Hollywood originality?  No?  Well, I guess you’re a stronger person than I am.

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